


Regret

by ChangeTheCircumstances



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Behind the Scenes, Canon Compliant, Ezra and Kallus bonding, Gen, In The Name of the Rebellion, M/M, Season 4 episodes 3-4, what did Kallus think of Saw's involvement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 12:51:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13881249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChangeTheCircumstances/pseuds/ChangeTheCircumstances
Summary: Kallus deals with the memories that the reappearance of Saw brings up and tries to make Ezra see why the Rebellion can't stoop to his level.





	Regret

**Author's Note:**

> So I just really needed some added interaction between Kallus and Ezra and this idea popped up when watching episodes 3 and 4. I hope you enjoy it and to the Rebels fandom in general, "Good luck to everyone tonight and I hope we don't cry too much!!!"

Kallus was right inside the base, unable to see but close enough to hear. All he could do was remain frozen, to listen to that voice as he argued with Mon Mothma and put down the rebellion. Considering how unexpected this was, Kallus liked to think he was handling himself decently. He was shaking but at least he hadn’t fallen to his knees, right?

Yet as Saw Gererra kept speaking, his voice booming into the night, Kallus found he had to grab onto the nearest crate to simply not collapse. He’d never directly interacted with Saw but the association was enough. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t—

“Kallus are you…alright?”

Saw…Saw wasn’t talking anymore. People were already back at their posts or walking to their next assignment. How long had he stood there? How long had he been unable to even move? And Ezra…had he run into him by pure accident or had he somehow sensed his unease? Either way, it was obvious that his behavior was freaking the kid out. Clearly Ezra had never thought he’d have to ask Kallus of all people if he was alright.

Taking a deep breath, Kallus spoke like he was carefully choosing each word that came out. In actuality, he knew what he wanted to say. He just had to be careful not to reveal the tremor in his voice.

“Don’t listen to Saw. I understand wanting immediate results but his methods make him as bad as the Empire.”

What little concern that was on Ezra’s face evaporated with a huff. “Everyone keeps saying that but you aren’t giving us another option.” He kept going before Kallus could argue the flawed logic in that. “And how can you say that he’s as bad as the Empire? He’s fighting the Empire! He’s changing things—”

“I know he’s as bad as the Empire because I used to care about nothing but results,” Kallus interrupted with a growl. “I live with the knowledge of what I destroyed for 'results' every damn day. Could you?”

He hadn’t meant to sound so angry but before he could even think up an apology, Ezra was gone. Kallus ran a hand through his hair, the strands falling in front of his face as he forced himself to move towards his bunk. Considering he hadn’t been able to keep his cool with Ezra, it was probably best he just avoid all people for the rest of the night. Besides, he ached in places that he hadn’t thought about in a long time, injuries that were physically healed long ago but would never really leave. He just wanted to rest.

When he got to his bunk, he got in without changing and barely remembered to kick his shoes off. He knew he couldn’t work anymore tonight, not with how his mind was spinning. All he could do was sleep and work twice as hard tomorrow.

His eyes were finally feeling heavy when he felt the large, warm arms move around him. Fur brushed against the back of his neck, and Kallus allowed himself to show what he was feeling on the inside. He shuddered, hands shaking again.

“Sorry, it took me a while to find you,” Zeb murmured. At this distance, Kallus could always feel the rumbling in his chest with every word. Despite how new this was, it was already a comforting feeling. “You know, you don’t have to worry about Mon siding with him. She never will.”

“But that doesn’t mean others won’t,” Kallus hissed, closing his eyes again and entwining his fingers with Zeb’s. “Ezra—”

“Yeah I ran into the kid.”

“I didn’t mean to yell at him,” Kallus murmured.

“I know. Told him as much too,” Zeb replied. “Don’t worry, he just needs time. He’s still young.”

“I know. I just…I don’t want him making the same mistakes I did. He shouldn’t have to live with that on his conscience.”

“Have you thought about talking to him?”

Kallus finally snorted, the noise small and bitter. “Like he would listen to me.”

“Hey, I thought he was a right brat and wanted Kanan to drop him back on Lothal the moment he was on our ship,” Zeb said with a playful poke. “There’s a lot of give and take with him but if you just try…”

“Maybe I will,” Kallus sighed. It certainly wouldn’t hurt to have a clearer head too if they talked again. “Perhaps after the mission.”

Silence passed between them, the sounds of the base still going on as constant background noise. Kallus was sure some retched nightmare would happen that night, but with Zeb at his side, he already felt safer. He fell asleep, wrapped in the Lasat’s arms.

* * *

Kallus was there as the Ghost gave them the mission’s results. He let out a tired, regretful sigh at hearing Hera mention the destruction of the satellite. It was better than having it in the Empire’s hands but still…so much good could have come out of it if they’d been able to hack it. He shook his head. This wasn’t the optimal outcome but it was still a victory. He had to remember that. Besides, unexpected events happened. He couldn’t blame any of the crew for what had occurred.

“We can’t come home yet,” Hera suddenly spoke. “Saw has Ezra and Sabine. We weren’t able to get them before the Empire showed up. We’re hoping they’ll send us coordinates soon.”

The other generals and captains murmured their concern, asking things like “Why was he there?” and “What if they went with him willingly? What if they don’t wish to come back?” As Hera defended the two kids, Kallus’ blood had long since run cold. He wished Zeb was there. Something to grab onto as support but all he could do was grip the holotable and get out, “Was there a Lasat with them?”

Hera looked to Kallus with a frown. “I don’t know. Though we’ve never—Kallus what’s wrong?”

“If you don’t have their coordinates…it doesn’t matter. You can’t do anything,” Kallus whispered as he looked down.

“I don’t care if it doesn’t matter. Tell me!” Hera demanded. “What Lasat are you talking about?”

“I…I don’t know his name. But he was part of Gererra’s assassins and he’s unusual looking for a Lasat. Taller than Garazeb and fur almost blue instead of purple. He…I kept tabs on him when I was in the Empire. Imperial…defector…it didn’t matter to him. He’d kill them without hesitation. Sabine…”

“Oh my god. Kanan we need to find them now!”

“How? We have no idea where they went!”

Kallus backed off, not really listening to how the meeting ended, everyone now on edge and Kallus wondering if he’d just gotten Sabine killed. How could the Lasat know she was a defector? He couldn’t. But Saw probably did and if the information was passed along, or Sabine carelessly mentioned something without knowing the danger…oh Force.

The moment he knew he wasn’t still needed, Kallus quickly left the room. All that he’d done to the Ghost’s crew, to the rebellion and innocents. He couldn’t make up for it but he could fight for them now. It was a thought he’d held onto. Only now his selfish want to bury the past meant Sabine could be dead. He should have told them. He should have—

He ran into a large chest. There was only one person on the base that he was that short next to. He immediately wrapped his arms around Zeb. All he could do was whisper, “I’m sorry,” over and over again. They were helpless, Hera, himself, everyone. It was his fault. His fault—

“Alex.” Zeb whispered it so softly, like the first name was some big secret. It almost made Kallus laugh though the sound was more of a hiccup. “What happened?” Zeb continued. “What’s wrong?”

* * *

Ezra felt it the moment he stepped off the Ghost. It was a near crushing feeling pushing through the Force. One of utter relief and thankfulness directed towards Sabine and himself. He couldn’t help but try and find the source, his eyes widening in shock as he saw it was coming from Kallus. He was standing off to the side and once their eyes met, that feeling of utter relief seemed to slip out with a thankful sigh. He nodded and headed back into the base. Ezra continued to stare in confusion until Zeb punched him in the shoulder.

“What? You turn mute on the mission or something?”

“Ha! You wish,” Ezra laughed.

They kept talking and laughing as they walked to the council room to be debriefed. It didn’t take too long, Ezra and Sabine both telling them all they’d found out when they were with Saw. When they left, Hera suggested they do dinner that night, all of them together since it had been a while. Ezra agreed and as the group started to break up, Zeb pulled him off to the side and said, “Would you mind talking to Kallus?”

“Seriously? What for?” asked Ezra, despite already being curious after what he’d felt on the landing pad.

“I think he needs it. Besides, you should both apologize for blowing up at each other earlier.”

Ezra let out a tired sigh. “You’re right. Fine, I’m talk to him,” groaned Ezra. Normally he would have argued more. Seriously, why waste time on Kallus when he could be hanging out with Sabine or catching up with Wedge? But after identifying the feeling in the Force, and simply from the bits and pieces he’d heard from Hera, Ezra decided he needed answers too. And maybe he should apologize while he was at it. “I’ll catch you later Zeb.”

He headed off in search of Kallus. It took longer than expected as he went through meeting rooms and asked anyone if they’d seen the ginger giant. Ezra eventually got word that Kallus had just gone to his bunk for a moment, and Ezra jogged across the base to catch up with him. He managed to run into Kallus right as he was walking out the door.

“Ezra,” Kallus said, surprise flitting behind his eyes.

“Hey, so…ok listen. Maybe I was being a bit naïve last time. Saw…he can be a good guy ok? But he…the way he operates isn’t how I want to operate either. I know that now,” Ezra quickly got out. As an afterthought, he quickly added, “Sorry. By the way.”

“I wasn’t exactly the kindest either,” Kallus murmured. “Yelling at you only escalated things. I’m sorry as well.”

Ezra nodded in thanks. He took a step back, ready to make a break for it and this weird bonding moment with Kallus of all people but…he still had those questions he wanted answered. “So I heard that you were like, actually worried about me and Sabine. Especially Sabine. Why? Saw wouldn’t have hurt us you know.”

He waited, watching Kallus carefully decide something in his head. Unbeknownst to him, Kallus was remembering his conversation with Zeb. There was a certain amount of give and take with Ezra Bridger. Perhaps it was time to give.

“Do you have a moment?” asked Kallus.

“Sure.” Ezra followed him in, sitting down in a chair as Kallus sat on the bed. “So…”

“Perhaps Saw wouldn’t have hurt you. But there is, perhaps was I can’t know for sure, but there was a Lasat under his command that wouldn’t have hesitated to end Sabine’s life if he’d been there.”

“How do you know that? What happened?” asked Ezra. He waited, watching the heaviness on Kallus’ shoulders, the unwillingness to talk. But Kallus did talk and for once, Ezra just sat and listened. He didn’t interrupt or yell. He just…listened, his eyes steadily growing wider and wider as Kallus told him the horrors that had happened.

“You’re not…you’re not just making that up. Are you?” Ezra finally got out.

Kallus shook his head.

“Saw wouldn’t…I mean…you don’t think he allowed that. Do you?”

“I can’t speak for Saw Gererra,” Kallus honestly said. “But from what I’ve seen, on both sides mind you, I can’t work with a man that associates with people like that.”

“I—I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you before,” Ezra finally got out.

“I didn’t give you a reason too,” Kallus sighed. “And I should have warned you before.”

“How could you have known that Saw would show up? It’s not your fault and things turned out alright in the end.”

“I still shouldn’t have kept that hidden. It put your lives, especially Sabine’s life, in jeopardy, and I’m sorry for that.”

This time Ezra didn’t argue. Sure, Kallus had proven himself to be a part of the rebellion, going toe-to-toe with Thrawn, risking it all to warn them. But for a while, all Ezra had seen was the still cocky Kallus. Yeah, he appreciated his intelligence more and there wasn’t really a reason to Force throw him now but…Ezra was pretty sure he was starting to see what had Zeb not quite forgiving Kallus, but at least being able to live and work beside him.

And speaking of Zeb…

Ezra frowned. “Why is Zeb’s stuff in your bunk?”

“Uhhh….”

* * *

Rebel pilots and fighters and tacticians and leaders and engineers and grunt workers and everything in between stopped and stared as the young Jedi ran screaming through the base with Captain Kallus close on his heels and shouting incomprehensible things.

In one of the hangers, Zeb watched the two race across it. Hera quickly elbowed him in the side and looked up with a raised brow. “I wonder what the hell that’s all about.”

Zeb couldn't help the embarrassed laugh that fell from his lips. “I might have an idea.”


End file.
